Ask a man: Where the greatest guys we know answer our sex questions

We spend a lot of time guessing what guys are thinking, so we finally decided to ask one. These answers come from one of our favorite men. We asked for brutal honesty. He delivered.

Question #1: What do you really notice about girls when we go out? Is it really important that we’re all decked out in a great outfit?
He said: No, decked out in a great outfit isn’t vital. What is? An easy laugh.

Take away this: Guys will be attracted to different things. But the good guys will look for more than just cleavage and clothes.

Question #2: What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?
He said: This is my thought process during sex with a girl who gives it up on the first date:
1st thought = Oh, fuck yeah.
2nd thought = Oh fuck. I bet this isn’t her first time giving it up so fast.
3rd thought = Oh fuck. I’m not that attractive. Does she even have standards?
4th thought = Oh fuck. She just called me Steve. Whatever.
5th thought = Oh fuck. She’s way too good at that move.
6th thought = Oh fuck. I can never date this girl.

Take away this: Know what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. If you think he has relationship potential, get closer before you get closer. That way, whenever you go home to get it on—whether on the first date or fifteenth—you’ll both be on the same page.

Question #3: How do most guys feel about birth control?
He said: Love it. Love it. Love it.

Take away this: Pick an effective method. Use it. Use it every time. Enjoy the peace of mind. The guys you want will be cool with it.

Question #4: Do you expect the girl to bring up birth control or do you do it?
He said: If she doesn’t, I will. One major scare set me straight for life. It’s encouraging when the girl brings it up and takes the lead. As a side note: It’s not so encouraging when a woman reaches over to her nightstand and pulls out a case (not a package, a freaking case) of 108 Magnum condoms with half of them gone from the box.

Take away this: Guys respect you for being responsible. So go ahead and bring up birth control and have as much safer sex as you want. But make the guy in your bed feel like he’s the only one. Nobody wants to think they’re just another conquest.

Question #5: What’s the deal with guys complaining about condoms? Do they really lessen the sensation?
He said: It’s the difference between being hit in the head with a pillow and being hit in the head with a bat. You get a lot more feeling from the bat. But the pillow has a much lower risk rate.

Take away this: Sex feels amazing. Sex with a condom might feel slightly less amazing, but it’s still amazing. So carry on and use condoms because it looks we all agree that they’re a good idea until you’re monogamous, tested, and using another birth control method.

Question #6: What’s the sexiest thing a woman can do?
He said: Besides pretending that the guy is sexy? Subtle will always trump obvious. A fierce, brief, and illicit glance goes a looooooooong way to getting things heated. That and having sex with us.

Take away this: Be a sly fox. Be a flirty ninja. Know how to communicate something smoldering and hot in your own special way. And never underestimate how sexy he thinks you are for desiring him.

Question #7: Sometimes women get self-conscious when a guy goes down on them. Should they?
He said: No. They can’t be any more self-conscious than we are about pretending to know what the hell we’re doing. The only thing we pay attention to is the woman telling us in any way what’s working and what isn’t.

Take away this: If he’s going down on you, try, try, try to relax. Enjoy the experience by focusing on how good it feels. Guys aren’t freaking out down there, so there’s no need for you to freak out or get shy.

Question #8: What’s one of the things guys want us to do more of in bed?
He said: Talk. Doesn’t have to be dirty. Just find a way to communicate about sex. Don’t be embarrassed to say what feels good, what’s going well, where you want to go, and what’s going down in flames. While we hate asking for directions, most guys certainly don’t mind being handed a map.

Take away this: Sex is one of the most intimate things two people can do and when you speak up, you ensure that it keeps getting better and better. So talk to him. Or make that purring sound that tells him he’s doing a damn fine job. Guys want to get it right, just like us. So let them know what’s working when you’re getting it on.

He’s got a point,
Bedsider