Shhhh! How to do it quietly when there are people nearby

Roommates. Parents. Kids. We’ve written about what to do if they walk in on you having sex, but you’re still going to do it, right? Here are a few tips for keeping quiet without limiting your passion the next time you need to be discreet while getting it on.

• Do it in the shower. Bathrooms are great. You can lock the door and muffle sounds with running water. But things can get soapy and slippery, so please don’t slip and hurt yourself. Also, to exit inconspicuously, have one of you leave the bathroom while the other stays in there for a while. Staggering is key.

• Turn on some music. It might seem a little obvious to others, especially if you’re playing the emo love mix you made back in the day, but adding some background sound can drown out the lovemaking sounds.

• Skip the bed. Try the floor. Beds can roll around and squeak. Some mattresses are noisy too. Throw down some blankets and pillows and try the sturdy floor. It’s not as comfy, but it can be much more quiet for a quickie.

• Early morning. Middle of the night. Do it when everyone else is asleep. You still won’t be able to get too loud, but at least you’ll have a little more privacy.

• Skip the stuff that makes you scream. You know that one position that drives you crazy? Or that thing you do that makes them shout your name? Don’t do it. Keep it simple to keep the sound down. It’ll still be awesome, just not as loud. (You can do the scream-worthy stuff as soon as everyone is out of the house.)

• When it’s time to O, kiss like your life depends on it. If you do it face-to-face and kiss when you climax, you should be able to curb the sounds you usually make in the heat of the moment. If that doesn’t work, focus on steady, slow breathing for as long as you can—that can also help you make less noise during sex.

We also suggest using birth control. Not because it’ll keep you quiet, but because it can prevent an unplanned pregnancy.

What special technique do you use when you want to have quiet sex? We’d love to see your tips in the comments.

XOXO,
Bedsider