How to tell when your partner is “quiet quitting” your relationship

Sure, ghosting sucks. On the other hand, good riddance when it saves you from a jerk you didn’t know that well. But what if it’s not a random date but your partner who you suspect might be slowly fading from your relationship? Not quite a ghost, just “quiet quitting” until the relationship dies? That in-between status can be tough to figure out. Here are a few ways you can tell when your lover no longer wants to be yours…but doesn’t have the guts to say so.

Communication changes or stops completely

All relationships go through communication ebbs and flows, so don’t ring the alarm too early here. However, pay attention if your partner stops communicating with you the way they typically do, for long periods of time. One-word text answers when they used to send kissy faces and compliments? Leaving you on read? Days without checking in or saying hello? Red flag, bb.

Flaking out on dates or quality time

It’s important to be able to trust that your partner is going to show up when they say they will. It hurts when you’re looking forward to spending time with them and then your date gets cancelled. Okay, so people run late sometimes. Things come up and plans have to shift. But if this type of behavior is becoming the norm, rather than the exception, it may be time to have a chat.

Lack of investment in the relationship

A healthy relationship involves give and take, a tension that helps to maintain balance between partners. It may seem like a dream scenario at first, but a partner who claims they only want to do what you want to do, go where you want to go, and never voices their desires, may be detached from the relationship. The two of you don’t have to want all the same things, but if your partner seems to want nothing at all, that’s not good, either.

Picking fights

Couples argue from time to time, but heated fights aren’t fun, and it’s even worse when you’re right in the middle of one, and you don’t even know how you got there. If you’ve been going at it frequently, try doing a diagnostic on your disagreements. Be honest: how did the fights start? Does the tone turn biting and mean? A partner who picks fights or who doesn’t fight fair might be trying to push you toward the exit so they don’t have to initiate the breakup.

Deleting you from their social media

Not to be dramatic (nvm, we’re totally going all in on the drama here), but erasure from your partner’s social media pages might be the loudest death knell of quiet quitting a relationship. A soft or a hard launch of your lover on social media announces to hundreds or thousands of your closest oomfies that you are happily taken. Removal of romantic photos or videos signals the opposite: you are literally no longer in the picture. If you suddenly disappear from their grid or profile, or if they quietly stop sharing photos of you at all, it’s time for a hard conversation.

It’s not easy to admit when something isn’t quite right with your relationship, let alone suss out a disinterested partner. In any case, the best (and also the hardest) option is to level with them and ask if they still want to be with you. Hearing “no” might hurt like hell, but at least you’ll know the truth. And if their answer is “yes,” they want to stay together, then you just might have time to save your relationship.