How to help your long-distance relationship thrive

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) might be dealbreakers for some people, but for die-hard lovers, an LDR is a challenge accepted! Now, it’s easy to understand why the thought of being in a relationship without your partner nearby is less than ideal for most people. But even if you can’t stand the thought of being without your babe, you can still find ways to thrive as long-distance lovers.

Establish a routine of regular communication

They say, “Communication is the key,” and whoever “they” are, they nailed it. Relationships thrive on clear communication, but if you’re in a long-distance relationship, you and your partner will have to put in more creativity, effort, and consistency to account for the times when you’re not together. Establish a routine of regular communication that works for the two of you and then stick to it.

Find your favorite shared modes of communication and mix them up. That might look like texting frequently during the day, DMing them memes on social media, or sending random voice notes daily. It could also mean having standing phone call or video call dates. It doesn’t have to be every meal, but long-distance dinners over video chat can be a useful way to spend quality time with each other.

Don’t be afraid to pepper your convos with things that seem silly or mundane—these are the things you would mention if your bae was right there next to you. Be honest when you’re not feeling up to a chat so that your on-camera body language doesn’t confuse your partner. Tone can be tricky to gauge via text; strive for clarity whenever possible. The more you can keep the lines of communication open, the better.

Make the time to get naughty

A long-distance relationship can present a challenge if you prefer spontaneity in intimacy. But that doesn’t mean your sexuality has to be stashed on the back burner. You and your partner will have to be intentional about sex and sensuality in an LDR, and spontaneity can fit within those parameters once you decide what you’re comfortable with. It’s important to discuss both of your boundaries regarding sexting, nudes, and sexual video chats before you dive into long-distance naughty sessions.

Once you have ground rules established, get ready to get busy! Use whatever you have at your disposal to set the mood. Cue up a sexy movie or TV show to watch “together” with the lights low. If you’re a lingerie girlie, then wear your favorite ensemble during a video chat for a little show and tell. Have a sexy surprise shipped to your partner in time for a play session. Sex toys are also handy (no pun intended) for revving things up. And there are plenty of sex toys on the market that allow long-distance control so you can experience giving your partner pleasure directly even when you’re far away. Besides having fun, the goal is to maintain and even strengthen the intimacy between you and your lover.

Plan your reunions well in advance

As the saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but what do you do when all that fondness builds up and needs someone to hug? You reunite with your person. Long-distance relationships take a lot of work, and they can thrive if you both put in the effort, but the cherry on top is the well-planned meetup. Depending on how far you live from each other, the cost of travel might be an issue. Take finances into account when determining how often you and your lover can be together in person. Plan your reunions well in advance to avoid the potential confusion or hurt feelings that can come from having to say, “When can I see you again???” If you avoid uncertainty about when the next meetup will occur, meetups can remain a guilt-free zone.

As much as possible, try to be fair about when, where, and how your reunions will go down. Agree on the frequency of your meetups: this will give you specific dates to look forward to, and it will give your wallets a break. If you live in different cities or states, alternate the location of the meetup (their city, your city, etc.) to avoid placing the burden of travel on the same person every time. You can also choose a neutral meeting point—maybe a fun city that is somewhere between you both—and book a hotel together. Or make it a full vacation and find a place the two of you have always wanted to visit.

Meetups can be adventurous, romantic, lazy, or jam-packed with activities. Tailor them however you choose! But whatever you do, take the time to plan them so that they work for you and your partner. The most important thing is to enjoy your lover’s company. And don’t sweat it if the occasional tiff happens during your brief time together IRL. It’s totally normal for couples to argue from time to time, and it’s also normal for couples in an LDR to have hiccups finding a rhythm occupying the same physical space.

With a little extra TLC, your long-distance relationship can thrive no matter how far apart you live from your partner. Love is worth the work it takes to close the gap.