Have the best sex of your life in 2023 with these New Year’s resolutions

Here at Bedsider, we don’t believe in the kind of toxic “self-improvement” that gets shoved down people’s throats at the beginning of every year. Instead of thinking about shrinking or otherwise changing our bodies, we like to use this time to reflect on how we can bring more pleasure and intimacy into our lives. Here are 7 New Year’s resolutions we’re making for 2023—we hope you’ll borrow what works for you and leave the rest!

1. Have a growth mindset when it comes to sex

If you’ve had a sexual script (or scripts) that you’ve turned to for years, meaning that the sex you have looks much the same from one time to the next, it can start to feel like deviating from that script is a little scary or maybe not even possible anymore. Well, we’re here to tell you that it is possible. You’re a growing, evolving human in all aspects of your life, including your sexuality. There’s no reason why your sexual desires and fantasies shouldn’t evolve and change too. So in 2023, why not try something new? Is there anything you’ve thought about, seen in a movie, or read in a steamy book that turned you on? Suggest it to your partner(s) and see what happens!

2. Turn yourself on

When there’s so much going on in the world that’s stressful and scary, it can be hard to get into a sexy mental space. The first step is tuning into your body and starting to notice how it feels. Explore sensations, whether you’re using your hands to caress your body or whipping out a favorite toy. Taking time for solo sexual expression can help you update your idea of what turns you on and even get you in the mood for partnered play, if that’s something you want.

3. Commit to clear communication

While it’s not always easy, clear and ongoing communication about everything from fantasies to boundaries is fundamental to great sex—and that means both sharing information and receiving it from your partner(s). Keep in mind, though, that this doesn’t mean you have to share things you don’t want to share, nor does it mean you have to do anything you don’t want to do (besides respect other people’s boundaries).

4. Don’t compare your sex life to other people’s

You’ve probably heard that comparison is the thief of joy, and nowhere is this more true than when it comes to sex. The surest way to stress yourself out is to compare notes with friends on how often you have sex, how passionate it is, how many different positions your partner twists you into, or how many orgasms you can have in one night. Before you know it, you’ll be panicked over whether you’re doing it all wrong, when in reality there’s no such thing. Other people’s sex lives are just not relevant to yours. What matters is if you’re satisfied with your sex life, and if you are, then there’s no problem.

5. Try different types of intimacy

This year, we’re leaning into the concept of focusing more on intimacy as less on sex, as it’s traditionally defined. Intimacy gives us so many more options, and if there’s a mismatch in levels of desire or any other reason why sex has become complicated in your relationship(s), exploring these other options can be a great place to start building the sex life you want. Intimacy can include giving your partner a massage, cuddling, staring into each other’s eyes, taking a bath together, making out, sexting during the work day, role-playing, or doing whatever else feels good for both of you.

6. Set aside time for sex

Yes, yes, we can hear your objections—“scheduling sex isn’t sexy!” But you know what really isn’t sexy? Never having sex because other things get in the way. Put time for sex on the calendar, and then remember you can use it for whatever flavor of intimacy you want.

7. Invest in yourself

Let’s make 2023 the year that we put ourselves first. Getting on a birth control method you can stick to and using safer sex practices, like regular STI testing and using condoms or internal condoms every time you have sex, are acts of self-care and investments in your future.