7 things that sound dirty but are actually baked goods

If you’re like us, The Great British Bake Off (on Netflix as The Great British Baking Show) is a balm to your soul that never gets old. It’s a warm bath when you have cramps. It’s a fluffy robe and thick socks on a cold morning. The only problem with watching and rewatching it is that some of the absolutely obscene names that the British use for their baked goods start to sound…almost normal somehow. Well, we’re here to remind you that they are NOT NORMAL AT ALL. Here are the 7 dirtiest-sounding bakes from the show.

1. Spotted dick

This is something to do with raisins, but we think it sounds like a great reason to check in with your health care provider. Perhaps it’s both.

2. Steamed buns

Steamed buns were in close contention with iced buns and hot cross buns for a place on this list. We can probably all agree though that pretty much any word you put with the word buns is going to sound dirty. Except “hamburger,” which just sounds normal.

3. Cream horns

Cream horns are actually too obscene to talk about. We’re censoring ourselves here.

4. Floury baps

Not sure why this sounds so dirty, but it just does. Maybe it’s because baps are buns’ naughty cousins.

5. Gingernuts

These cookies have ginger in them, but they don’t contain nuts, so this name is confusing, and it really seems like the Brits are doing it on purpose at this point. They literally just made us say nuts for no reason.

6. Pasties

This one’s kind of cheating, but…

7. Tear and share loaves

First you tear it, then you share it. Or is it the other way around? Either way, it’s not fit for family viewing.

Happy “baking” everyone!

XOXO,
Bedsider

P.S. Did thinking about floury baps get you in the mood? Here are some more ways to bring food into the bedroom.