How to travel with sex toys

You know that moment in Home Alone where Catherine O’Hara is sitting on the plane to Paris and she finally figures out what she left at home? And it’s the worst thing she could’ve possibly left at home? That’s how we feel when we forget to pack our sex toys. Like we may as well turn around and beg, borrow, and steal to get back home to our beloved babies, even if it means riding for hours in the back of a Budget truck with the Polka King of the Midwest. So, needless to say, we travel with our toys. Here’s how we do it:

Take the batteries out

We once witnessed a little girl at the airport loudly asking her mom, “What’s that buzzing sound coming from your suitcase? Is it your toothbrush?” Based on the look on mom’s face, it wasn’t her toothbrush. If you’d rather avoid the quizzical stares of all the children and grandmas waiting to board your flight, just take the batteries out of any battery-operated toy you have. A good hack to avoid losing the batteries in the bottom of your bag when you need them most is to put them in a Ziploc bag and tape the bag to the toy.

Make sure your lube is travel-sized

It may actually be a thick goo, but the TSA says it’s a liquid, so if you’re carrying on, it has to be 3.4 ounces or less, and you’ll have to put it in a clear quart-sized bag. Or, if you use a type of lube you can buy at a drugstore and you have a little extra cash to throw around, you can always pick some up at your destination so you don’t have to fly with it.

Check your bag

On the other hand, if you don’t want to have your lube on display next to your laptop and shoes, or risk having the TSA pull out all your favorite toys in front of everyone in line at security, your best bet is to check your bag. You could still get one of those unfortunate slips in your checked luggage saying that the TSA opened your bag, but at least you won’t have to be there to witness it.

Weigh it first

It’s everyone’s nightmare: you get to the front of the line to drop your bag off, and it’s one pound over the weight limit. Suddenly you’re that frazzled person with the wide open suitcase trying to make sure no underwear falls out and touches the dirty floor. And what are you going to do if the heaviest things in your bag are your sex toys? Unless you’re prepared to shove them in your tote, just weigh your bag before you leave for the airport so you can make any adjustments in the privacy of your own home. Here are some nifty suitcase weighing contraptions.

Consider your accommodations

Not every trip is to an isolated mountaintop cabin or a yurt in the middle of the desert. For those times when you’ll be traveling with or visiting friends or family, you may want to consider quieter toys, like these.

Keep it family-friendly

Also, if it’s a trip to a shared space, think about whether anyone will be coming into your room. Your dad? A curious niece or nephew? You probably don’t want your vibrator laying on top of your clothes in plain sight. Depending on how many toys you’re packing, perhaps a large cosmetic bag could do the job, or there’s always the tote-bag-with-handles-tied-in-a-knot trick.