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Come on! How to deal with premature ejaculation

Some guys climax too fast. When it’s a new relationship, it can be kind of flattering. You might think: I must really turn him on. But after awhile it can get frustrating if it leaves you unfulfilled or him insecure. The good news is there are lots of things you can do to help him last longer.

  • Have him do the Valsalva maneuver and build up his PC muscles. Join in the fun by doing your kegels.
  • Nerves and anxiety can trigger premature ejaculation. Encourage relaxation. A little pre-sex yoga, meditation, or massage might help. Even talking helps.
  • Try climax control condoms. They feature a slightly numbing lube to desensitize him. Don’t worry: The lube is in the condom, so your la-la doesn’t get desensitized.
  • Learn the Masters-Johnson squeeze method and try it. They say this is effective for 98% of the couples who perfect the technique.
  • Breathe deep together during sex. Have him control his breath and go for deep, long breaths in through the nose and out from the belly. This is surprisingly effective and relaxing.
  • Play around with positions. Missionary is known to get guys there really fast. Try doing it with you on top. You’ll control the movement and pace, so work with him to keep it calm and make it last. Bonus: This position will probably help you get there faster.
  • Have him masturbate a few hours before you two go at it. It’s like he gets the first orgasm out of the way and can prolong the next one with you. Win/win!
  • Practice the Start/Stop method together. This is another famous technique that can help.
  • Get naked. Not just when you’re having sex, but around the house. If he sees your luscious body a lot, it may not get him quite as excited when you have sex, and that might help him keep going until you’re both satisfied in bed. (You will still turn him on. He will not get tired of seeing your body. This simply gets him used to having a hot partner and keeps him from being overly aroused when you’re getting it on.)
  • Have him see a doctor. Premature ejaculation might be caused by a medical issue that a doctor can easily resolve with medication.

And just because he reaches orgasm before you, doesn’t mean the sex is over. There are lots of ways he can continue on and bring you to orgasm too. Think fingers, tongue, vibrators, etc. You can also try having him spend at least 21 minutes on foreplay so you’re ready to come when he is. (When foreplay lasts 21 minutes it greatly increases the chance of women having an orgasm.)

Yes, premature ejaculation can be difficult for a couple to deal with, but try to be supportive, understanding, and patient as you work through it. You never know, it might be fun trying out all these possible solutions and bring you closer together while doing it.

Hang in there,

P.S. Have you booked your annual gynecological exam for 2012? Be sure to set up an appointment reminder so you don’t miss it.

The whole concept of PE seems quite odd to me - my experience is that most women are clitorally stimulated to orgasm anyway, and for the minority that are vaginally stimulated to orgasm, a small minority of them need to be pumped for 10 to 20 minutes. So unless the woman in the relationship is one of the few who needs vaginal intercourse for a prolonged period in order to climax, it's to everone's benefit if the man can orgasm in a few minutes. This is because the woman is going to have her fun before vaginal intercourse during foreplay, massage, digital stimulation, and oral sex. Of course there aren't many men who would define fun for themselves as giving their girlfriend pleasure for 10 to 20 minutes, but it is possible, and then for them there is no stress associated with PE - in fact, it becomes a benefit. 

2012-01-29 18:41:33 UTC


I've been a large supporter of the Bedsider and have recommended it without reservation. However, this article on premature ejaculation is misleading and the information is wrong. While you do a great job with birth control, you risk your site's credibility when you post things like this. Paul Joannides, Guide To Getting It Onhost:

2012-02-03 15:41:34 UTC

Paul Joannides

So you just say 'wrong' and advertise your site. Also ironic that you have a "90 seconds" website advertised on a PE article. At least point out why you disagree or put up some alternate methods if you want to build any credibility. Better for Bedsider to just delete your valueless self-promotion.

2012-02-08 03:03:40 UTC

Jason Torpy

I'm disappointed this article jumps directly to 'last longer' as a solution. This promotes the idea of sex-to-completion, which is fine, but not the only or even, imo, the best approach. It's better to recognize climax(es) as part of sex but not the purpose or the end of sex. Dan Savage likes to point out 'your face is still hard' as one way to continue the fun until both partners are satisfied. Better to promote the many and varied pleasures of sex, and that celebration of the complexity of sex is a better way than all these methods to stop-up the pumps.

2012-02-08 03:08:39 UTC

Jason Torpy

Sex that is truly explorative is more than just traditional physical pleasure. Try using the tantric techniques of establishing an intimate connection, including when he’s nearing the point of no return. When he approaches that point, he should cease stimulation (i.e., pull out), then contract the PC muscle and lower his chin to his chest (this is important, as it prevents energy from rising too high and making him feel ungrounded). He should then draw in a breath, feeling the warmth of sexual energy rise upwards in his body. Repeat this as needed, until the desire to release is no longer urgent.More at --

2012-11-26 15:18:42 UTC

Nick Benson

It is very difficult for two persons orgasm exactly at the same time. The best is that the woman comes first, but then she must not be so selfish that she does not let the man finish too. More often however do the man orgasm way in advance.

2013-09-19 12:31:50 UTC

Knut Holt

It is very difficult for two persons orgasm exactly at the same time. The best is that the woman comes first, but then she must not be so selfish that she does not let the man finish too. More often however do the man orgasm way in advance.

2013-09-19 12:31:50 UTC

Knut Holt

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