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Mismatched libidos: What to do when you want different things (in bed)

You’re unstoppable, but your partner’s sex drive has flatlined. Or it’s the reverse and you’re not feeling any fire-in-the-pants. Or you love sensual massage marathons, mood lighting, silk sheets, and 48 minutes of foreplay, but they are more of a wham-bam-lets-do-it-in-my-Dodge-Ram kind of person.

Those scenarios can be frustrating and confusing, so we’ve collected a variety of articles from experts who can help.

Having read or watched all of this and more, here are three big take-aways we think everyone needs to remember:

  • If your lover’s libido takes a nosedive, don’t assume it’s because they’re no longer attracted to you. There are many causes that have nothing to do with you.
  • Talk about it in a supportive manner and learn what’s really going on.
  • See a professional if your relationship is suffering from loss of libido and you need additional help.

No matter what you’re going through, we’re rooting for you!


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I love these emails and I'm not surprised to see this topic, but given the recent research on low testosterone and the number of couples that can be affected, I think it should have been mentioned. I bought all the books on mismatched libidos but rarely did they recommend bloodwork. I'm 25 and my husband is 30, both in excellent health. After years of not understanding what was happening to us and considering that our relationship wouldn't last, I did some research. Fast forward to my hubby getting blood work and lo and behold, his testosterone was extremely low. A few shots and weeks later and he feels like a new man, which, well, makes me feel like a new woman. Buy books, visit an MD, and a PhD = comprehensive care.

2012-06-28 19:00:08 UTC


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